whats the point again???

rearranged my room yesterday....well moved my bed....but still it gets me all excited and in a new motivated mindset to go do things with meself (im aware i need a life) but there is a lot to be said about this fung swai (not a clue how to spell it :P) crap, makes ya all happy. so yes, i am advising everyone to go reaarange there room and feel motivated in life :D

so today, with my new found enthusiasm for life, i think i'll stop and think a bit about what the hell im doing here...on my blog, not in life i dont ponder that, far too much hassle with no answers so i couldnt be bothered i just get on with it :) and in my pondering winne the pooh style i come to the conclusion that food and cooking is what im meant to do. it was either that or music, and my music talents dont go beyond singing so here i am, expressing my love and passion on a grand scale. and after a few tough years of a lot of fuck ups im dam happy to be here.

and after even more pondering i realise that what brought me to love it so much isnt being born to do it,or being naturally good at it and comfortable with it, it stemed from something as every great passion in history has. you arent born great or gifted it has to be nurtured in you. and at the start of life my mam and granny nutured it in me, and when i lost my way and went fairly far off the rails jamie oliver brought me back (dont laugh)

i still remember days standing on a chair up against the counter 'helping make scones, whch simply entailed standing at the ready with my mini rolling pin and cutters ready to beat the crap out of the bit of dough id be given, and having to have my own little bowl of raisins to stop me stealing them from the mix :) id spend a good hour rolling out the dough like my mam was doing and cutting out shapes, just to mush them all back together and go again. until eventually i'd decide i was happy with some shape and they'd get cooked. now no one had the heart to tell me that mauling the dough that much causes scones to go pretty tough and nasty. but still, mam and dad and even granny and grandad, took life in their hands, risking all sorts of poisoning and ate them whilst convincing me they were the best scones ever. times have changed, dad's my harshest crtic now but i can take it, granny and grandad still havent changed. and my scones have improved greatly...but i still have to have a bowl of raisins beside me :)

then when i grew up(17 onwards) i used baking as a way of dealing with stress, cooking well into the night after disastrous days, which brought the passion to the fore front of my mind, unable to ignore it any longer. and then i remember watching jamie's school dinners and i saw being a chef as something different to what i envisioned. it wasnt working your way up to being a head chef, to owning a restaraunt, to michelin stars and making money, it was something a little more, a bit deeper. it was a real passion, it was an ability that ccould do great things. it was a way to influence and help people. and suddeenly i knew what i wanted. and i went for it.

i want to be a chef, i want to make money, to be a head chef, to own a lot of restaraunts, to have michelin stars, but i want to do something worth while, i want to give everyone a little piece of that little girl who believed cooking was fun. who associates it with nostalgic memories and smiles that no one can take. cause cooking means a lot to me, and it shouldnt be something difficult or have to be learnt. cooking is an instnct, if you think it will work try it :)

i want to pour my passion into making the world want to eat, care about what tey eat, know what they eat. fast food is ruining the world and obesity is something that just gets to me and i dont wanna say i did nothing, as a chef i should and i will, somehow (i'm still working out the finer points). im going to do a jamie on things and try and make a difference in what people think and know about food. cause being chef is amazing, but i have no interest in being amazing, justs want to do amazing things and that way i can say it was worth my time being here :) and at the end of the day isnt that what its all about :)

so i think i'll start by paying homeage to my family, particularly my mam, who risked there lives just to make me feel good, with a recipe for scones that i now understand and do quite well :) so cheers to the mammy for instilling the passion and cheers to the family for not crushing it with honesty :)